Qualified Dating

Have you ever heard of Qualified Dating?

Let me elaborate a little on that:

A lot of women I know think that most guys are sleazy scum buckets who are just looking for casual sex. Now I’m not here to defend the morals of men in general. I prefer to fight battles that I have some chance of winning. Besides, when you’re right; you’re right.

What Is Qualified Dating?

But really – when I ask these women why they think that, a lot of them invariably talk about this guy or that guy that they dated who basically banged them and then lost interest in them.

“Oh really, where or how did you meet him?”, is something I usually ask. The answer frequently involves a bar.

Now that is the opposite of what I mean by Qualified Dating.
Qualified Dating is a focused approach to who you meet. You chose to date people based upon characteristics that you consider important.

That example above equates to randomly meeting and dating someone who isn’t the kind of person you really want to meet. Consequently, you then form a negative opinion about people in general based upon that experience.

She failed to qualify that person against her desires and expectations. Then she got pissed or unhappy because they didn’t qualify themselves to her expectations.

Whose problem is that?

The “No-filter” Fail

Here’s another way of looking at it:

Let’s say that you are allergic to cats.
And let’s also say that you’ve met a girl and you seem to really be hitting it off. The two of you just really seem to “click”. Now let’s say that she is a “dyed in the fur” cat lover with a house full of cats.

I suspect that you see where this is going.

Qualified Dating has been around a long time; we just didn’t know to call it that. Potential dating partners “got qualified” before they were introduced to you by friends or family. Some got qualified when you met them at work or school or church. You got to know a little about them before actually starting to date.

But here’s the deal in today’s world:

The whole dating and mating scenario has changed and changed fast in just the last few years.

Vanishing Distances

We only used to interact with a small group of people every day – our friends, family or co-workers.

In some instances – like at parties or weddings or company picnics – we would also interact with the friends of friends or friends of co-workers, and so on. That would expand our circle of contacts.

That was pretty much it.

Consequently, we still had a limited circle of acquaintances that remained small even on those occasions when it was enlarged by the presence of others who were not normally a part of that circle.

Today, we can hop on a plane and be across the ocean and on another continent in a matter of a few hours. Today, we have the internet and online dating. We can communicate – and form friendships – with people on the other side of the world that we would never have heard of, spoken to or even knew existed a few years ago.

Old vs New

Online dating is changing society, it’s not just changing the way we date.

Because distance has become less of a limiting factor, so has our circle of friends and potential dating partners expanded.

Due to online dating and dating apps, at the click of a mouse or the swipe of a finger we can be talking to people – and dating people – that we never would have met before the internet.

Consequently, that means that a lot of the people that we meet and date have not been “qualified”. There is no filter or screen suggesting that we might be compatible with others in terms of shared interests, values or desires.

And that lack of qualification can often lead to disappointing or even infuriating experiences because we connect with dissimilar people.

Qualified Dating Is About Focus

If you want to meet a certain kind of person for a certain kind of relationship – you need to practice Qualified Dating.

Just like you wouldn’t walk into a McDonald’s and order a prime rib; you shouldn’t necessarily expect to find a life partner down at the local singles bar.

I do want to say now that qualifying a prospective partner isn’t always necessary. Sometimes you might want to just roll the dice or go with the flow. Other times, meeting someone and getting to know them is a big part of the fun of a new relationship.

Qualified Dating is only important when you already have specific concerns that need to met or shared in a dating partner.

Qualifying a potential partner can revolve around any number of things that define what is important to you in a relationship: