How To Get Out Of
The Friend Zone
If you are trying to figure out how to get out of The Friend Zone, I can feel your pain.
And it’s like this:
First, we’ve got some bad news (it’s all your fault).
And then we’ve got some good news (there may be a way to get out).
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And then we’ve got some more bad news (it’s hard and risky!), but we’ve also got your plan on how to get out – if you can get out.
But for starters, what is The Friend Zone?
The short explanation is this:
You’ve met someone you really, really like; and you can tell that they really like you too.
There’s great rapport and understanding and even a great deal of physical and emotional attraction.
You may even feel that you are perfect for each other and you want a full-blown, romantic – or at least intimate – relationship. But for some reason, things just never progress beyond the “good friends” stage of a relationship.
Am I In The Friend Zone?
Yes, if your are even asking if you are in the friend zone, then you ARE in The Friend Zone.
Being “Friend Zoned” is where you might find yourself with a girl that you are attracted to; but she seems to think of you only as a friend; or worse yet; as a brother.
Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with having female friends who will never be anything more than friends; that’s just normal and if you don’t have any there might be something not quite so normal about you.
But the problem with the Friend Zone is that you might have wound up there with a girl you are really attracted to.
One who you want a different kind of relationship with.
You and she have a great deal of trust for each other. There is a great rapport and a high level of comfort with each other too. But somehow you’ve wound up just being friends, and now your are desperate to turn things around and get out of the friend zone.
This has most probably happened for two reasons that work in conjunction with each other to land you in the Friend Zone.
But, What Happened?
Here’s the part that is hard to swallow and that most guys never get:
It’s probably your fault – it’s due to a mistake that you made.
The biggest reason most guys wind up in the Friend Zone is that when we meet a woman for the first time; we don’t touch her enough:
Using Casual Touch
That’s right – lack of simply touching her is probably the biggest single reason that you’ve been Friend Zoned. In the beginning, she is curious about you and there is some interest there. However, you don’t do anything to establish physical contact.
I’m not talking about groping her, stroking her or any kind of prolonged contact. This is about brief casual touches during conversation:
Touch her hand or her arm or her shoulder; it’s almost like gesturing with your hands as you talk; except that you reach out and casually touch her.
This is a perfectly natural aspect of conversation.
Even guys will pat other guys on the back, or the arm or the shoulder when talking.
She is feeling some curiosity and intrigue about you; but it’s “just there” there is nothing to associate those emotional anchors to physical contact.
So lack of physical contact is the first reason why guys end up in the Friend Zone.
And casual touch plays a role in how to get out of the friend zone.
The Flow Of Attraction
The second reason that this might happen is that a guy might try to move too quickly.
He might try to skip over the step of building attraction.
Building attraction when we first meet is a crucial to the course of the relationship.
It starts with her curiosity about you.
Then through conversation and touching; it slowly ramps up until it hits a peak and levels off. At that point, we have hopefully established a measure of trust and rapport; and a level of comfort emotionally and physically.
When you first meet a woman; she has no reason to care about who you are or where you are from.
She just wants to know if you are worth talking to before investing time in a conversation that might leave her looking for a way out.
You can increase her interest and convince her that she wants to know more about you through conversation and using the right body language.
She may feel that she even needs to know more about you. But none of that happened quite the way it should have, and now; you are in the Friend Zone.
So the big question is this:
Is there a way to hit the “reset button” this relationship?
A way to start over and create an alternate version of the relationship?
Maybe…
The Risk
Getting out of the Friend Zone takes a little work and a little time. And be warned – if you are looking for any easy way out – if you wonder how to get out of the friend zone through texting, or some less risky way, you’re stuck.
You pressed some complex psychological triggers along the way to the Friend Zone. They have caused this woman to feel really comfortable with you but not in a physical way.
She probably feels that she gets a special level of attention from you and that you will always “be there” for her.
No doubt she feels very “close” to you, but in a non-physical, non-sexual kind of way.
But even though you want and need to turn things around, be aware of this:
The worst thing that you can do is to try to force the issue of changing the nature of the relationship.
That will feel really weird to her and all kinds of wrong and confusing. It will probably push her away.
Getting out of the Friend Zone comes with risks that you have to recognize:
What you have to do is open her eyes to the idea that you have value to her as more than just a friend.
Other women are interested in you and attracted to you – you are going show her that.
It’s a fact of human nature – seeing that other people want something makes us feel that it must have value.
It must be desirable.
Suddenly, we want it too.
How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone – The Plan:
One great way to do this is to tell her as a “friend” that you’re going to be hanging out someplace with some other friends on a certain day and time.
You ask her to join the group.
This isn’t asking her out on a date or being together as a couple. You are just hanging out with friends and she is one of them. A key part of this is to have a few other female friends in the mix.
Now; you won’t be flirting with any of these other women; at least not too much.
But you know them and they know you.
You have a comfortable relationship with them.
Here is the key to starting this ball rolling:
You divide your time and your attention between all of the friends there equally. This might be a watershed moment for the girl of your interest.
She will suddenly see that the “special” attention that she gets from you is the same attention that you give to everyone else too.
What’s more, she will likely want more of your attention.
She will see these other people getting the same attention from you that she thought was reserved for her. This essentially presses the “Relationship Reset” button in her psyche.
It gives you a second chance to start over and do it right; avoiding the Friend Zone.
Wrapping It Up
Building relationships can be a very complex process in the absence of mutually shared situations and needs.
But by understanding emotional triggers and gaining an understanding of body language; we can better craft the relationships that we desire with whomever we desire.
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